Now, Then.
That comma’s a border
we creep over,
and disappear,
knee-bent, hunched
and assimilated
to the permanence
of done deeds
and what’s gone
on.
These two things-
the fixity of the Past
and the possibility
of the Now.
The border of Now and Then is illusory.
The real one lies between entropy and change
There is no past in any real sense, only change
and the effects of change.swelling and bloating,
expanding our history. The authority
of Time the Usurper-tells us lies.
What use is this past we can never access
except when it’s leaping,raw and raging
on you like a dark panther in the night,
tearing your laughable pretences to quivering shreds.
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Really love the 4th verse. You’ve reminded me of a piece of writing by the Zen Master Dogen. Not sure if you intended that, but I did like that.
The closing verse is powerful. Some things do linger.
Great work here. Really enjoyed reading your poem.
What use indeed. The image of the comma really sharp here, and the past is as much a construct of the mind, what we’re told, how we interpret it, as of time…very difficult to hold it accountable though it holds the roots of the plant that is constantly growing forward. Clean and well-written piece.
Not to get too high falutin’, I’m just not that convinced of time being real, nothing more than a man made concept. How change is I can grasp, but the untouchability of the past…
ugh love the vividness there in the end as it tears us apart…love the play on the comma as well…forward is my only direction…
Wonderful images, and it’s a little along the lines of something that’s been trying to write me lately… You’ve said it (and more) beautifully. Love that about the comma, and the final stanza is brilliant.
Much of the middle stuff is just the bare thought… Getting it down…I’ll probably come back and rewrite whenever it comes:-)
“There is no past in any real sense, only change”
“What use is this past we can never access
except when it’s leaping,raw and raging
on you like a dark panther in the night,
tearing your laughable pretences to quivering shreds”
Excellent points. Something to ponder, indeed.
Love the opening stanza – such a delightful play on the concept of a comma
I loved your last stanza!
yes, i am with brian, forward is the only direction, but i know exactly what you mean, at night, the past likes to creep up on us…useless though it may be.
great write.
I think you have got some real interesting thought down here. I think you might want fill in some gaps between the ending image and what goes in between.
The comma bit and the last stanza were the only bits I was happy with as a write, the in between stuff was me unpoetically getting the thoughts down before they were gone
love the intensity in this…tight write..and love the play on the comma borders… the possibility of now is sure the route to take..
Time, the past, present and future…has always fascinated me. Your use of the comma here is brilliant. The entire poem is original, imaginative, and hooked me. I love the concept of no past only change. Great write!
Thanks for all of that J. It’s all still a bit rough, but sometimes I get too impatient and just throw up stuff I should work harder on… as ever you catch the drift of what I’m banging on about.