Time On My Hands


Why do you treat everything as a joke?
-Because everything is.

But it’s not funny.
-No.

So what is this need?
-The need to see absurdity at the root of everything?

No, the need to constantly do this. Point it out.
-You know I’ll find a one-liner to fling in here, probably as a punch-line.

Stop it. No, you won’t . What’s wrong with a straight-forward discussion? Talk about things as they are.
-That’s impossible. Conversations are Newtonian, deterministic. Exclusive.

So your attitude is what then? A quantum theory of interaction?
-Well it’s as if I can’t just talk about a thing. I turn it into a meta-thing. I insert myself into the talk. I attach myself, via an attitude, a comment, a joke. I impose a relationship on the conversation. The need is a narcissistic one, to feel I’m THERE, in the discussion, tangentially being acknowledged even at the expense of being an annoyance, a side-show. In fact it’s a pre-understood self-defeating habit which seeks affirmation but simultaneously risks frustration and rejection.

But what if we all did that?
-Well, my point is, we don’t. And I’ve cornered the market just now. Now it’s how I’m seen and how I’m expected to function. Try me out. Throw me a bone of conversation and I’ll chuck in some sarky remark.

My conversation seems to have dried up. It’s pointless talking, if you’re just looking for cues for jokes.
-But I’m not. Not JUST that. I’m looking to re-establish a lost centre for myself. And as we talk just now I realise that all those other real world conversations are largely self-defeating. I may introduce a whole set of dancing jokes, metaphors, absurdist connections around the central maypole of a subject, but if the other half conversing only sees just that and not the inherent seriousness within then I risk being seen as nothing more than a dancing fool.

So what’s at the root of all this?
-A childlike need to please? A lack of courage in voicing unpopular opinions?
I think more than this it is a deep-cored understanding of the absurdity of existence and a love of the human experience.

I notice the more we talk of this the more serious you’re getting about it
-maybe because its hard for mirrors to reflect anything but dark in the dark.

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